Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
