you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
