I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just google imaged poop.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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