and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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