:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
