i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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