I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
