I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the day after is always just damage control
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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