Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
