I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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