I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I smell stomach acid.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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