I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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