Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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