my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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