I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
