either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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