We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
