It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
