umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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