# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
