Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
