wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize