im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
