I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize