Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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