she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
why do cheetos always look like penises
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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