Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
