Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
