U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
