he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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