i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
