im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
