Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
