how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
