Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
