I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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