I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
