We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It's Friday. Sex?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
