I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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