Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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