he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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