I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
