you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
