WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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