are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize