So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
