He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
