I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
