Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
