here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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