Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
