Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
