my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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