Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
