he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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