what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
