he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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