Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
