remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
