Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
