I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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