I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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