I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
