did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
