I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
