The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
