hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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