i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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