you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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