I'm gonna have a badass scar
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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