I don't remember. Are we still dating?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
