Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
